I Wear Blue on the Outside, Because Blue is a Good Color on Me and I Don’t Define my Value with Archaic Forms of Self Expression (or How do you Blue?)

I once held my breath so long my lips turned blue

Another time it was 40 below with the wind chill and my fingers were blue too

When I wanted people to stop looking at me I dyed half my head blue as well

 

               Then you showed up-

 

Fuck your blue eyes, and blue hair, and blue nails, and all the fucking blue hearts

in your blue texts and blue sexts, making me wish blue wasn't my favorite color.



When I was about 6

           Maybe 7,

 I ask my brother who his favorite Power Ranger was

          RED

                      He said.

         Me too.

                       I replied

Then he punched me in the face and didn't stop till

                                                                                                            all

                                                                                                                  I saw

                                                                                                                              was blue

I loved the sky,

              the ocean,

              denim jeans,

             Blue Raspberry Kool aid

             the look of Picasso

 

                                                   And                        you..

First time we kissed:

                        you stopped me and told me to go to bed

                      cause 6 am was an awful time to make awful choices.

days later I was in your bed

         Half dressed

                     Looking like the 11 o'clock number just made love to my face.

        I didn't care.

You said "Not tonight"

I knew         you were right.

But every part of me disagreed cause I was hoping that after you I'd hate the color blue

 

It's funny cause sometimes when I say your name I slip and say Muddy

                     Like Muddy Waters

      I used to think that I Can't Be Satisfied

     but I know the blues are still the blues

 

1am,

your bed again -

lights were off and the blue light from outside lit our skin

 

All I want is to stop finding your hair on the things I call mine

Cause every time I see it I smile

                                                           cause It's still my favorite color.