Fascism has arrived in the US, and it’s tearing apart our social lives.
The dread one feels, waking up in the morning, moments before checking their phone, is immeasurable. A post of the latest policy update, a video on data centers, an update about someone having to choose between gas and a meal. Outside of billionaires, no one is winning. Our weekends are spent at a second job — hobbies are turned into side hustles — we spend free time resting so we can go back to work. And at the end of the day, we rarely get time to be with friends and loved ones. This is when the loneliness sets in.
Loneliness is at an all time high here in the states and friendship is hard to come by when most of our social lives are spent on parasocial relationships. Some would joke that this is a part of the “chronically online” crowd, but even those who aren’t doomscrolling all day long feel this. If you are on dating apps at all, you may have noticed a little oddity in peoples bios, “Looking to make friends.” Or some other equivalent.
I already have enough qualms with dating apps outside of this, but anyone can recognize the desperation someone is going through when they need an app to make friends. When the choice at the end of the day is to rest and recover for work versus heading out dancing, or going to a community event, many people choose the option that helps to make sure that bills are paid and money is not spent frivolously. You can see the issue here. If people aren’t going out to events then they are losing one of the best ways to make friends. Finding friendship on an app is difficult when all you have to go on is a few pictures and a bio with someone’s height or zodiac sign. Hell, most people won’t even read the “friends only” part of your profile and will hit you up for a one night stand — or worse, they will claim to want to be your friend, and then proceed to tell everyone you are their latest situationship.
On its surface, this appears to be a financial issue alone. We are all aware how the 2008 recession affected people’s social life in a similar way, but with the rise of fascism, there is a whole new context for how the loneliness epidemic is growing.
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Fascism loves to divide people. It’s one of the main ways it controls dissent. The administration has gone out of its way to demonize as many minority groups as possible. It has told us that immigrants are murderers and rapists; that the LGBTQ+ community is trying to harm children; and even that those who try to speak up for these groups are actually terrorist threats (Socialists, Anti-Fascists, Leftists.) The divide doesn’t stop at labels either, if you are in favor of things like universal healthcare/basic income, affordable housing, treatment of mental health, solutions for the homelessness crisis, prison reform, environmental protections, or any number of other “progressive ideologies,” then you are also an enemy of the state.
When the government is telling everyone that their neighbor might secretly be a criminal or terrorist, it becomes difficult to foster community. Community events then become relegated to the out groups, further pushing away those who believe the propaganda of the state. Things like Pride, Juneteenth, and even Earth Day suddenly now become attacks on “American Values.” These are no longer seen as bringing people together, they are now labeled dangerous and unpatriotic. Claims of gender ideology, DEI, and wokeness are shouted from the rooftops. And this is not just an attack on left leaning people. This propaganda also works the other way. Those in the out groups will often avoid places and situations where they could run into right-wingers, further splitting communities. So this begs the question, how are we supposed to make friends when every person we meet is instantly under suspicion?
I don’t have a clear cut answer or solution. I don’t believe there even is one. But one thing I think we all agree on, is that we need to start fostering community again. Sharing values we can all agree on, learning from one another, and helping each other survive the hardships we are all going through. Whether it’s working at a soup kitchen, or just inviting a few hungry co-workers to dinner at your house, friendship and community are built on non-transactional relationships. Drive someone to an appointment when they can’t afford the travel, helping someone with a resume while they are job hunting, or even just hosting an art night for those struggling with mental health issues. All of these things matter, and all of these are what lead to friendship. Hiding inside and hoping someone swipes on you so you can have a mediocre coffee date and then never talk again, is not going to fight the loneliness. Fighting for community, will fight loneliness.
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